“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
Step Five is taken whenever you feel ready. It can’t be rushed. Step Five is giving your Fourth Step to another person (preferably, your sponsor). Perhaps my favorite writing on this is found in Sexaholics Anonymous literature. It says…
“I took Step Five with my sponsor and experienced freedom from the burden of my past guilt. No big deal, just a quiet realization that I was part of the human race. I belonged.”
At each Step, you surrender something. At the Fifth, you surrender the right to the wrong and hurtful attitudes and actions and the isolation that it brought you.
When you offer your Fifth Step to your sponsor, it’s OK to be scared. Make sure that you have plenty of time. It can take hours! This will be open-ended. Your sponsor is not going to try to help you process or fix anything on your list. He or she will not be shocked by anything you tell them. After all, to be a sponsor, they had to offer their own Fifth Step to their sponsor!
It’s important that you don’t hold anything back. Leave no part of your Fourth Step unsaid. After you’ve said it all, your sponsor may help lead you in discovering what your story says about you. Many people get stuck on Step Four and Five because facing what’s inside and sharing it with another person is scary and tough and they might not be ready to be that vulnerable yet. If you’ve committed to making and shared your list, it says that you’re ready and willing to do work in your recovery from sex addiction or porn addiction.
While it may seem a gift from your sponsor that they would receive the Fifth Step, it’s also a gift for them. In both cases, it serves to show that the most precious thing we can offer other human being is our true self, virtues and defects. The experience is truly spiritual because it is true intimacy. And it’s just the beginning…