A person struggling against sex addiction is divorced from their own heart (their self), others, and God. They are unable to connect with any of those three. The spiritual awakening that Step Twelve speaks of is where the spirit (one’s true self) is made alive to itself, others, and God. The connection has come back online. This is true second order change. If you have experienced that kind of healing, you’re going to want to tell others about it.
Addiction is, at its nature, and intimacy disorder. That means, that the addict is unable to form healthy emotional bonds with others. It also means that the addict is out of touch with their own emotions. The addict (in truth, most of us) is afraid to engage their emotions. So, they look to numb them. Thus, they reach for the drug. The Fourth Step is all about ceasing to run from what’s inside, facing it, and taking stock of it.
Let’s be honest here; dependance on the self (whether it was taught or forced upon for survival) is what landed the addict where they are. It’s the thinking that says, “If my needs are to be met, I’m the only one I can trust to meet them.” It’s very isolating. The best antidote for isolation is community. It’s communing with others and communing with God.
You don’t have to be an addict to know the Twelve Steps. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find a person who hasn’t at least heard of the program. But that’s not because of it being depicted in television, movies, or books. It’s because it works. So many people struggling against addiction have found hope through the Twelve Steps and the communities of people who live out their principles. But where did the Twelve Steps come from? And, what exactly are they?